In the year 13 of The Golden Great Ape’s reign, the following conversation is recorded. Three voices are heard. Names have been changed for the purposes of safety and pedantry.
*Knocking*
*Footsteps*
*Door opens*
Mr. Black: Mr. Ray?
Mr. Ray: Yes?
Mr. Black: Mr. Ray, my name is Mr. Black, this is my partner, Mr. White. May we come in?
Mr. Ray: Fine men such as yourselves are always welcome at my table. Will you be having coffee?
Mr. Black: No, Mr Ray, we need to ask you a few questions.
Mr. Ray: Any information I might have that you are missing is but yours for the asking.
Mr. Black: Mr. Ray, you have been the subject of numerous reports of suspicion of seditious thoughts, specifically blasphemy and treason. Do you know anything about these?
Mr. Ray: Are these newer complaints than since the last time I was interrogated on similar subjects?
Mr. Black: Yes, Mr. Ray. These are newer. And, as we were going over the notes from the previous interview, we noticed something suspicious.
Mr. Ray: Indeed? Well forthwith you must have sallied forth hence to allay or affirm such suspicion!
Mr. Black: ...Uhm, yes. The flowery language was noted in the earlier reports. In fact, that is, in some ways, the source of our suspicion.
Mr. Ray: How dreadful! Vile verbosity has once again ensnared my traitorous tongue. Gentlemen, your knife, if you please. Ne’er again shall I voice such vice! Strike from me the poison limb, my virtuous souls, so that we may free ourselves forevermore from such villainy!
Mr. Black: (coughs) Mr. Ray. If you wouldn’t mind, we need a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer to the following questions.
Mr. Ray: But truly, faithful shield of our nation’s peace, I mind you well and therefor mind you not.
Mr. Black: Are you a patriot?
Mr. Ray: I love my country.
Mr. Black: (sighs) Mr. Ray, I really need you to use ‘yes’ or ‘no’ so that we can have a clear report on this.
Mr. Ray: Then perhaps my face can witness best as it now wears the colors of our nation! I flush red with embarrassment and pale white with fear for when you look back on this you’ll know this moment to be that in which I blew it. For I must beg you, please take pity on my impoverished brain, explain to me what manner of thing is that you ask if I am which is a patriot.
Mr. Black: A patriot is someone who loves their country and defends it. They don’t hide behind words and are proud to admit they are patriots.
Mr. Ray: Then I am proud to say I love my country. Yes, my brothers, we are then patriots together, loving their country and countrymen! Such manly love, I can barely bear another moment. Now, men, shall we toast? I have some fine or at least pricey whiskey?
Mr. White: Bribing an official can get you sent to the reformitorium.
Mr. Ray: Gentlemen! I am a worm beneath your boot that I would ever think to unduly sway your lordships. I am an insect, perhaps a wasp who in its hive knows that the ones who protect him might have need of extra things the queen does not always provide them with. Since they are all that stand between the world without, which would do them harm and between chaos within, which can consume the wasp as swiftly, such soldiers must have what they need. And so by force or gift, they get their just desserts. Just desserts was all I meant, not a bribe to look away but a gift to help you look closer and see how much you are appreciated.
Mr. Black: Thank you, perhaps later.
Mr. Ray: I sit with baited-
Mr. White: Mr. Ray!
Mr. Ray: Ever your servant, your lordship.
Mr. Black: Mr. Ray, the last question I have to ask is, are you a Christian?
Mr. Ray: I am seen every Sunday building houses for the poor.
Mr. Black: Yes, but are you a Christian?
Mr. Ray: I have never driven by a broken down car without offering to help.
Mr. Black: Mr. Ray-
Mr. Ray: Never have I turned anyone away from my table whether they wore rich silks or cotton rags with holes.
Mr. Black: Mr. Ray, if-
Mr. Ray: And those holey clothes I traded for my less worn ones and did what I could do to help such friends beyond mere couture.
Mr. White: Mr. Ray, we have reports of you uttering blasphemies against God and Country! And now you dodge our questions! Stop hiding behind your prose! I ask you once again, are you a Christian?
Mr. Ray: And I think my actions speak far louder than any of the many words I have. Am I Christian? Do I do Christian things?
Mr. White: Christians profess themselves as christian.
Mr. Ray: And such professions have no bearing on whether their hand reaches to help their brother up or shove him down. If all you want is words, I do have many. But on matters of such import, and important must such things be if the penalty is 20 years in the reformatory, I would urge you look to actions more than words. Were I to proclaim myself a car, would you drive me? If I call myself a rainbow, would you think me anything but human? Why solicit symbols from my lips when my actions are referents far more irrefutable?
Mr. White: So you are a Christian?
Mr. Ray: In deed, I am.
Friday, December 16, 2016
Wednesday, December 14, 2016
Vanilla Ice Cream
I like vanilla ice cream.
There, I said it.
I’m not supposed to say it but I am saying that I prefer one flavor over all others.
Looking at the data, I know there are no empirical reasons to prefer one flavor over another. There is no measure of meaningful quality that belongs to one flavor more than others. People who say that one flavor routinely does better than others and therefor it is actually best and we should stop wasting time and money trying to prop up failing flavors seem to have misapprehended how flavors are created and judged.
But I prefer vanilla. I am comfortable with vanilla... And I am a little afraid of chocolate... maybe more than a little. But more than that I am afraid of saying that I am afraid of chocolate or that I am more comfortable with vanilla.
Even if all of us are to some degree.
Even if the most cursory of cultural examinations would show that we, as a culture, prefer vanilla, it is still a taboo to confess and if I said it in public, I might be pilloried.
The neighborhood I grew up in, the schools I attended, the places that I worked; they all served primarily vanilla ice cream. Most of the time there were one or two servings of chocolate but not as many as you might expect when you look at the ice cream census data. I even hear some people claim such token examples of flavors exist so people can say they have a wide flavor selection but even a little investigation will show that such tokenism does not nurture the development of a diverse pallet.
It’s not my fault but it is my responsibility. It is all of our responsibility to try a serving of ice cream before we reject it because of how we expect it to taste. 'Chocolate' is not a label that defines all chocolate! There are some really bad chocolate ice creams out there with harsh flavors and toxic ingredients. But there is also ice cream that gets ignored and neglected. People look at the shade of frozen cream and assume it will disagree with their delicate constitution.
Pretending we don’t do this hurts ourselves and really hurts the makers of chocolate ice cream. We rob ourselves of a wider flavor experience (except those parts of chocolate ice cream we co-opt and pretend belonged to vanilla ice cream the whole time because flavor shouldn’t matter (apart from when it comes to choosing schools, employees, law enforcement, or pornography)) and some incredible flavor combinations are rejected on sight before an ounce of the reality even melts on our prejudiced tongues.
I would like to try more flavors. I would like to expand the range of flavors I can appreciate and invest in the makers of ice cream I have been afraid to try. I am still most comfortable with vanilla. I am still afraid of chocolate. I probably will always have these biases but I would like to minimize the caustic effects they have on my life and the lives of others. I would like to minimize the harm that pretending I don’t have these preferences is causing me and my community.
Thank you for understanding,
Sincerely,
A Stupid Jewish Woman
There, I said it.
I’m not supposed to say it but I am saying that I prefer one flavor over all others.
Looking at the data, I know there are no empirical reasons to prefer one flavor over another. There is no measure of meaningful quality that belongs to one flavor more than others. People who say that one flavor routinely does better than others and therefor it is actually best and we should stop wasting time and money trying to prop up failing flavors seem to have misapprehended how flavors are created and judged.
But I prefer vanilla. I am comfortable with vanilla... And I am a little afraid of chocolate... maybe more than a little. But more than that I am afraid of saying that I am afraid of chocolate or that I am more comfortable with vanilla.
Even if all of us are to some degree.
Even if the most cursory of cultural examinations would show that we, as a culture, prefer vanilla, it is still a taboo to confess and if I said it in public, I might be pilloried.
The neighborhood I grew up in, the schools I attended, the places that I worked; they all served primarily vanilla ice cream. Most of the time there were one or two servings of chocolate but not as many as you might expect when you look at the ice cream census data. I even hear some people claim such token examples of flavors exist so people can say they have a wide flavor selection but even a little investigation will show that such tokenism does not nurture the development of a diverse pallet.
It’s not my fault but it is my responsibility. It is all of our responsibility to try a serving of ice cream before we reject it because of how we expect it to taste. 'Chocolate' is not a label that defines all chocolate! There are some really bad chocolate ice creams out there with harsh flavors and toxic ingredients. But there is also ice cream that gets ignored and neglected. People look at the shade of frozen cream and assume it will disagree with their delicate constitution.
Pretending we don’t do this hurts ourselves and really hurts the makers of chocolate ice cream. We rob ourselves of a wider flavor experience (except those parts of chocolate ice cream we co-opt and pretend belonged to vanilla ice cream the whole time because flavor shouldn’t matter (apart from when it comes to choosing schools, employees, law enforcement, or pornography)) and some incredible flavor combinations are rejected on sight before an ounce of the reality even melts on our prejudiced tongues.
I would like to try more flavors. I would like to expand the range of flavors I can appreciate and invest in the makers of ice cream I have been afraid to try. I am still most comfortable with vanilla. I am still afraid of chocolate. I probably will always have these biases but I would like to minimize the caustic effects they have on my life and the lives of others. I would like to minimize the harm that pretending I don’t have these preferences is causing me and my community.
Thank you for understanding,
Sincerely,
A Stupid Jewish Woman
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)